Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
