my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
