I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
