If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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