I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize