my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
