ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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