Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
