Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
