I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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