Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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