She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I am morally bankrupt
birth control should be required to get into college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize