You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
