All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize