No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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