it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
