Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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