dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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