for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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