I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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