Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize