On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
