you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
