you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
