is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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