So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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