Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
