Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize