I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
