My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am naked and annoyed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
