anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
