hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
