I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
