It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
