Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
