The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
