Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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