i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
