Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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