He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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