I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
