That's intense
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
