How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
