I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
