Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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