I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize