Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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