Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How's work?
Spinning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize