I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
