My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
