Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
