You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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