I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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