You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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