i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
