im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
