are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
