I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i will never coherently bang her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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