Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
