Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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