Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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