got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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