Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i came on her dog
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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