Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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