Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
