ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
