You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
