If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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