It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize