Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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