I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
