Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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