Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize