Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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