It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
