i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
