Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
