So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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