I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize