Farmville is her only friend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
