Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
