So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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