god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
