this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
