im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was like his penis was on wheels.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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